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I hope you are enjoying the end of summer. My summer was really great – filled with travel, time with family, and time for some terrific books. Here are three that really got me thinking:
Goodbye Hurt and Pain: 7 Simple Steps to Health, Love and Success by Dr. Deborah Sandella. Dr. Deb is a friend of mine and I was able to read an advance copy of her book. She’s the creator of the RIM Technique which is a simple and crazy powerful way to create change in your life. Deb’s worked with Jack Canfield for years and he’s written the forward to her book. The book officially comes out on Sept. 7th but you can order now on Amazon and get a free chapter here.
Evolved Enterprise: How to Re-think, Re-imagine & Re-invent Your Business to Deliver Meaningful Impact & Even Greater Profits by Yanik Silver. I’m half way through this book (I got distracted by the next book on the list which I read about in this book) and love the clarity of idea and the examples to illustrate them. Silver writes about the different ways to create what he calls Evolved Enterprises – basically business which have some type of social impact. This concept makes so much sense to me – the more you give, the more that comes back your way. There are also a lot of resources listed such as the next book. I was actually able to get the book for just the shipping costs – here’s the site https://evolvedenterprise.com/
The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling by Stephan Cope. This is a beautifully written book on finding your life’s purpose or dharma. He says that the secret to unlocking this mystery can be found in the two-thousand year-old spiritual text called the Bhagavad Gita. He masterfully weaves the allegory in the Gita with modern-day examples of people you’ve heard of as well as everyday people. Here’s the link on Amazon.
Let me know what you’re reading (or what’s on your night stand waiting to be read)!
Tired of fighting about money? Why is it that when finances come up it’s such a hot button for many couples? The way I see it, money arguments aren’t really ever about the money, but what the money represents. Whether its power, love, control, mixed with shame, confusion, or stress, there is a path to financial compatibility.
Do these 5 things and finally stop fighting with your honey about money:
1. Come clean with your money secrets. Lots of times people avoid talking about money and spending; they think it’s a way to keep the peace. But having money secrets puts a big fat wedge in your relationship. If you are hiding purchases from your partner, paying cash so they don’t know where you’re spending money, or taking control of one part of your financial life so they are kept in the dark, you are setting yourself up for failure. I say “come clean!”
2. Insist on equal knowledge about what you spend and what you own and owe. With most couples, financial responsibilities are delegated to one person. That is 100 percent fine, with one important caveat: both people need to be aware of the basics of their financial situation. You both need to be aligned on your general financial approach. And you both need to know the details of where your accounts are, how to access them, and where your key documents are located. This is nonnegotiable. To start tackling the financial basics as part of a couple, channel your inner Girl Scout. Make sure you’re both prepared for the unexpected by knowing the most basic details of your shared financial lives. The last thing you want to worry about in a difficult scenario is what the password is for your online bank accounts, yet you may find yourself doing just that if you don’t gather this information in advance. This is an easy one—it shouldn’t take any more than an hour to go through these questions together.
Make sure both of you know the following:
The exact location of all key financial documents.
Contact information for all key professional partners: financial advisor, accountant, attorney, insurance agents, and any others who support you.
Account passwords for all online financial accounts.
Safe-deposit box information. Do you have one? If so, do you both know where the key is kept?
Click here to download the Key Financial Documents Locator. It’s an easy way to keep track of your important papers.
3. Create a shared prosperity picture. If you and your honey develop a vision for your future that you are both excited about, you can build a financial plan together to help get there. Making an actual picture of your future vision will not only be fun and get you on the same page but will also help move you toward your goals. As explained in the US. News and World Report article motivational images can boost your finances.
4. Share your money upbringings. Understanding how your partner was brought up around money can move you from judging them as wrong to understanding and appreciating their viewpoint. We develop many of our attitudes and beliefs about money at a really early age (conception to age seven). Learn what their first money memory was, how their parents talked (or didn’t talk) about money; did they feel there was a lot or not nearly enough?
5. Get outside help. If you find it challenging to talk with your significant other about money, you may consider making it a threesome . . . and including your financial advisor. For many couples, meetings with their advisor are realistically the only time they cover these financial issues in detail. However you choose to approach it, just make sure you talk about it.
Most important of all, enjoy the process. Money talk doesn’t have to be heavy, stressful, or a chore. This is your life together, your money, and your future.
Turning your plan into a reality requires thoughtful action and building the right support for yourself. The internal work of having supportive beliefs and thoughts to aid in your success is crucial to creating a solid foundation. Then setting up systems to save and having the right team there to guide and encourage you will help propel you toward your goals.
I have a confession. Sometimes I can be a bit judgy. I notice this the most when I’m at the airport. I catch myself thinking critical thoughts about the way people look. It’s embarrassing and superficial, not to mention not very nice. I certainly don’t want people doing this to me.
I Tried an Experiment…
So on a recent trip I decided to try something different. A compliment experiment. As I passed people I would think something nice about them: She’s wearing my favorite color pink. He has a great jacket on. Wow, what pretty hair.
If I couldn’t think of something I’d just make something up. That’s really what I’m doing when I think a critical thought anyway. I’d think: I bet she’s a wonderful grandmother. Or, he looks like he’s a super athlete. She looks like she’s got a great sense of humor.
And Here’s What Happened
A couple of things happened when I did this. First of all, I felt better. Being critical of others is like drinking Drano – it’s poison. Next, even though I wasn’t saying anything out loud, those I passed got a jolt of good vibes and often smiled at me. That made both of us feel great.
Then something really fun and unexpected happened…
I started to receive random compliments back. After a morning of sprinkling energetic compliments on people I passed, I was at lunch with my husband and some friends. As I was getting up to leave the table the waiter said to me “Oh my gosh, that is the cutest outfit!” I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. Not ugly, but certainly not the cutest outfit.
Then it happened again – I was doing a book signing before a presentation and had caught myself judging the venue and honestly, some of the attendees. I mentally told myself, “Stop it!” and started energetically dolling out compliments. Within 10 minutes I had two different people tell me that I had great handwriting. Now I don’t write in chicken scratch, but I have never been told I have great handwriting. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Sunday, January 24 is National Compliment Day
Why don’t you try this compliment experiment and see what happens? Want some inspiration for the power of compliments? Watch this – it’s my absolute favorite video!
